Let’s talk about your Identity (Does it need a tweak?)

Do you ever think about your Identity. Who you are as a person? What you stand for? 

Not so much, right? Until something happens that makes us question that, it isn’t top of mind, for the most part.

A couple of days ago I worked with a woman who was a great reminder that Identity is a huge factor when it comes to believing in ourselves, our skills, our passion and our way of operating in the world.

Kelly (not real name) had a difficult time speaking about what really mattered to her. Those dreams and goals didn’t fit with the Identity she had built up (subconsciously) over the last 40+ years. They were for someone else, not her.

The Identity she had created was one of lack, low self-esteem, a sense of “I’m not important”. And a total belief that she could never have anything other than what she was currently experiencing in her life. These beliefs were deeply embedded.

We had to dive deep to find out where this all began, but she wasn’t quite ready to do that yet.

Because I also realized that it would make no difference whether she set a goal or not. It more than likely wouldn’t manifest - within her current environment. 

Here’s what I mean by that. 

THE IDEAL OUTCOME

Kelly’s ideal outcome was - “I would love to make $10,000+ a month, work with Ideal clients and be consistent in my earnings so that I can relax more and stop working so hard". 

Even before we clarify or dig further into the goal Kelly has already shared that she is coming from a place of lack and low self-esteem. So until the energy of that come-from changes, it would be pointless to go ahead with any more exploration or move on to the change-work. Kelly doesn’t believe that she (her Identity) is capable of that kind of manifestation right now.

WHAT WE DID INSTEAD

What we did instead, was look at her Foundational Attitude. (The energy she brings to the possibility of change) Which led us to discover that (for her)  change is:

 
Scary,
Dangerous
and potentially Harmful. 

Three States, that aren’t conducive to change, right?

So if I had just gone ahead and worked on the ‘problem’ we would have gotten nowhere fast.

And this also brings us back to Identity.

IT'S NOT ABOUT THE 'THING'

I don’t want to turn this into a ‘how to coach’ session but thought I’d share with you so that you can look out for this in yourself and your  own clients.

When we get stuck, it rarely has to do with the ‘thing’ but rather  who we are ‘being.’ - Which also relates to Environment, and the Beliefs and Habits we’ve created over a lifetime. Which all help make up our Identity. And there are other factors too.

How we take in information, and how we ‘filter’ that information in our mind all play a part in who we are Being. And it isn’t until we intentionally decide on change, and step into that change with full trust in ourselves and others, that change is even possible.

WHO ARE YOU BEing?

If you haven’t been getting stellar results, or manifesting the goals you’ve been setting for yourself, over and over again, take a look at your Identity and WHO your are BEING. And be honest with yourself. Look at the examples below and notice which resonate.

What States are you 'operating' from? States of Abundance, Positivity, Optimism, Resilience? These are what I refer to as Optimal States. Or States of Lack, Negativity, Unworthy, Too hard, Not for me? These I refer to as Un-useful States.

And then jot down what you notice. You might surprise yourself. We get so used to being who we are, doing what we do, we don’t even know that we are doing it.

For Kelly, she wasn’t Being the kind of Coach who attracts ideal clients and makes $10,000+ a month. Her sense of lack and low self-worth were creating the wrong kind of energy for that. She needed to step into a new energy (State) before she could manifest her deepest desires, goals and dreams. And she was more than ready to do that.

YOUR BIGGEST ALLY

Your mind is your biggest ally when you learn how to use it. And no matter what has happened in your life to date, you have the ability to change that in the same way many others before you have done. The Identity you grew up with changes as you learn and grow. But, you also have the ability (and choice) to become the person you really want to be. And that is what excites me, as a coach.

So next time you don't feel like 'yourself'. Check in with your Identity and see who you are BEing and what needs a tweak or a complete overhaul. What do you stand for these days? Who are you? What's changed? Start there.